Level the playing field

The caring, the effort, the time spent, the driving, etc is done mostly by me.  I know this- "us"- always started out more one-sided but it feels far more lopsided these days.  Perhaps I've pushed you away with my insecurities, etc ... or the relationship has just peaked after the six month mark.  Whatever it is, I just know that I'm more invested ... I'm fine with the casual thing but I still have an issue with the lopsidedness.  My liking you more is making me crave you more and repelling you.

I'm still trying to level the playing field, but it is hard.  I don't want to like you more but I can't help it.  Something that I read recently summarizes what I feel for you and I've included it below:

*Things are different now.* No other eyes are as captivating. No other
smile is as contagious.
No one else’s words are as reassuring. No other arms are as comforting. I
don’t long to hear any other voice on the other side of the phone. I don’t
get butterflies at the thought of anyone else. *Things are different now.*When another walks by, I no longer give a second look. It’s like no one
else exists; no one but you. They say that “love is blind;” and if
anything, I’m only blind to everyone else. No one can measure up to you.
They always fall short. *Things are different now.* Seeing through the eyes
of love is like seeing under a microscope. I see things in you that I could
never see in others, with my old eyes naked of love. Each little quirk,
story, and moment with you are like the cells that make you who you are to
me. The more I know you, discover things about you, the deeper I fall,
captivated by the simplistic nature of who you are. It’s as though I’ve
discovered something for the very first time, and now that I know of its
existence I can’t imagine a world without. *Things are different now.* As I
learn about you, I am also learning about myself. I’ve never felt like I
quite belonged in this world until now. Until I had someone to walk beside
me, encourage me, dream with me. *Things are different now.* I smile at the
thought of you. I cry at the thought of being away from you. I fear, always
have and always will, but with you it’s a different fear. It isn’t so much
a fear of you causing harm, but a fear of losing you to the unknown. *Things
are different now.* I let my guard down. Give you a straight shot to my
heart and all that I am. I trust you. Something that is not easy for me to
do. Things are different now. I love this difference: the joy, the
anxiousness, and the longing. I hate this difference: the unknown, the
risks, and the doubt. *Things are different now.* Please, be careful. I
never thought this would happen. I had given up hope. But here you are…my
hope in love, in true happiness, in the future. *Things are different now.*Thank you.


I know all this is super sappy and not what you want.  This isn't what I want either.  I honestly just want to like you less and pursue this like a fwb relationship.  And I feel like you're trying to help me achieve that - by making less of an effort.  And it's what I want too, but in the interim, I'm unhappy and it sucks being the one to care more for another person, particularly when the affections aren't reciprocated.